When to break up is a tough question to answer. Here are the 5 key principles to help you decide whether it's time to break up and end a relationship or whether your relationship really can work.

After you've read them and if you need more help, I suggest you download the Should I Stay or Should I Go report, as it will help you get clearer on your decision.

When to break up

These are the 4 principles of when to break up. The when not to principle follows later on.

It's time to break up when you're:

1. Suffering physical, verbal or mental abuse from your partner
2. Fundamentally incompatible
3. Compatible but your values, needs or interests have grown apart
4. Compatible but there are irreconcilable differences between the two of you

The key phrase you'll have noticed in most of those aspects is compatibility. It's the core of a lot of the relationship advice that I give.

If you have it, then you have the potential for a long lasting, loving relationship together. The real key is working out whether you have that relationship compatibility or not. As I said above, the Should I Stay or Should I Go report will help you to do that.

If you're suffering from abuse of some description and are finding it difficult to leave the relationship - you need to seriously consider your options. If you can't do make up your mind yourself, get the help of a professional. Even though you're torn between staying and going, it may well be time to break up.

Starting out as compatible, but having your values, needs or interests grow apart is perhaps the most difficult one to spot and the most painful. This one is a lot less likely in a shorter term relationship.

Being fundamentally incompatible is the most common reason for breaking up, especially in a short to medium term relationship.

Normally in short term relationships because of the deep passion at the beginning (the infatuation or romance stage) you become temporarily blinded to the incompatibilities between you and your partner. As the 'love drugs' wear off you gradually become more and more aware of the 'faults' your partner has, until you reach the point where you find yourself trying to decide whether to leave or not.

The last 'when to break up' scenario is when there are irreconcilable differences between the two of you. If one of you has been unfaithful and the other partner cannot forgive - or if one of you wants to live in a different country, or has decided they want children and you don't. All of these are potentially irreconcilable differences. You may be able to come to an agreement that meets both your needs, but if you both believe it's not possible, then again, it's time to leave.

When not to break up

1. When you're fundamentally compatible but your relationship is suffering because of built up resentment

As long as you have fundamental compatibility between partners, there's are few reasons to split up. However, if you've been together with your partner for some time, it's possible that there have been a number of disagreements or arguments that have left a trail of destruction in your relationship.

If disagreements aren't fully dealt with in a relationship, then one or both of the partners is likely to become resentful to some extent. It's really not possible nor desirable to be able to suppress those resentments. They'll leak out in your behaviour towards your partner and will turn a potentially great relationship into a bad one or into a battlefield.

It is easily possible to deal with the repression that many couples get into and it's definitely preferable to letting a potentially great relationship go.

As I said at the beginning, if you want to get into more detail about whether your partner and you are destined to be together I suggest you read the Should I Stay or Should I Go report.

Or if you don't feel able to make this decision on your own, feel free to contact one of our relationship coaches for more relationship advice.

Other related advice

How to end a relationship

How to get over a break up

Relationship Advice - Couples