Relationship Tip 9

Know That Things Are Not Always How They Appear

You know that your relationship can be either the most fantastic and fun piece of your life or it can be your most painful. It can be like your partner holding a mirror to your face and showing you what you hate most about yourself. This is a bit of a blanket statement, but as the years role by I am struck time and time again by how true it is. Generally the things that drive us insane about someone else are exactly what we need to fix in ourselves.

Claire had been dating Dan for over four years and her biggest complaint was the way that Dan would give her the silent treatment when there was even a sense of an argument brewing. You know when you can feel that tension and temperature rising in your bodies? He'd just go silent, walk away and that would be it for hours. Claire would be in turmoil. What's up with him? Why is he being like this? If he's got a problem he should be talking to me, not sulking. Why does he always treat me this way? It's infuriating!!! Many hours later, and sometimes days, one of them would make the first move toward reconnecting.

The thing is Claire is as much responsible for that infuriating silence as Dan. Sure, most of the time it was Dan that was cutting the argument short before it got out of hand (a good thing too.) But Claire was being just as silent to Dan, as Dan was to Claire! It only took me a few seconds to point this out to Claire, another minute to give her a technique to allow her to go back to Dan and open up a conversation and it transformed their relationship.

The earlier you can stop blaming and start talking the better you'll feel. Being in a loving relationship can be hugely painful and that's normal, as my gran used to say ‘Without the sour you really can't appreciate the sweet.'

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