Relationship Tip 4

Take Responsibility For Feeling Deeply Loved

Accept that it's your job to educate your partner about what makes you feel most loved. Love your partner how they want to be loved, not how you want to be loved.

You already know what your primary emotional needs are, now it's time to let your partner in on the secret. If you're really smart, you'll also take the time to have them figure out theirs too.

One of my clients taught me to think about the concept of loving 'how they want to be loved' in a really easy way. When it comes to buying your loved ones gifts there is a real tendency to end up buying your partner the things you'd love to receive. So Billy buying his girlfriend a Nintendo Gameboy and her buying him a new pair of shoes is really never going to go well.

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages and it's a real eye opener. You see, we all have our own preferred way to receive love and the mistake that we make is in assuming that our mate speaks that same language. The five languages are as follows.

1. Words of appreciation
If this is your thing then being told ‘I love you' could mean the world to you. If it isn't then potentially, as far as you're concerned, ‘words are cheap'.

2. Acts of service
If this is your language then your partner could touch your heart by cooking you dinner or arranging to have your garden cleared. This was my Granny's language - ‘Love is as love does!'. Of course if this isn't how you get to feel loved then your partner spending hours in the kitchen cooking for you could feel like they were avoiding you.

3. Quality Time
This is about making time for each other to be together. It could be going out to the movies together or hanging around in bed all day long. Hopefully you're beginning to see how some of these languages can conflict. If your partner speaks the language of 'Acts of service' and you like to spend time lying around on the couch with them then they could feel pretty unloved.

4. Physical touch
Some people feel loved most from being held, cuddled and stroked. It's important to note that this isn't necessarily in a sexual way. So your partner is busy giving you the massage of a life time as far as they are concerned and you are potentially laid there wondering why they never tell you that they love you.

5. Gifts
‘Ye-haa, you bought me a book, I can't believe how much you love me!' Now, depending on whether this is your language, you may wonder if the above line is for real. Trust me, for some people even small gifts really light up their heart. Of course if this isn't your language then you'll be sure that ‘money can't buy you love!'.

So your exercise for today is really easy to do - ask your loved one which language they speak- I guarantee they know. The easiest way, print off this page, or take notes on each and have them read it through.

None of these languages are right and wrong; you just need to figure out how to love you partner in the language that means most to them.

Next Relationship Tip...
Make Loving Each Other A Priority