Relationship Tip 3

Get A Better Understanding Of Your Sex Life

This is a major area of pain and confusion in any long term relationship and it warrants a book all of its own. The origin of the biggest struggles around sex is this:

Women want love in order to feel like having sex

Men want sex in order to feel loved

I know that's a bit of a generalisation but it holds true so much of the time that it's worth keeping in mind. Problems around sex are rarely about sex itself, they are rarely about differing sex drives, they are more often than not about power in the relationship.

I came across a very useful concept in a book by John Gray called Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. Often times a woman can feel as if her man really doesn't care about her and just wants to use her. It's not uncommon for a man to have a major row with his partner and then five minutes later pursue her for sex. To most of my female clients this appears nuts but let me explain a little of what's going on here.

If you row, the man in the relationship feels totally disconnected from the woman which is bad enough. However, it runs deeper than that, because as a woman you are his gateway to his softer more loving side. A man's life can be seriously dry and making love with you reconnects him to his love for you and his love for life. In most cases the man isn't using you for sex, at worst he's desperate to reconnect with you and he's using sex to try and come back to you. He may well be confusing sex with love, but he's doing his best and given the upbringing he's had you may want to meet him halfway. Through being welcomed in sex, he feels loved by you. This should make him more loving towards you and put you in the mood for sex. So everyone's a winner!

Men feel rejected around sex very easily and it has large implications for him. Try to reassure him if you're really not in the mood. If this new approach doesn't result in him becoming more loving then you have a bigger issue that needs attending to.

Given sex can be such a huge area of pain I've included some tips on the next page which you may well be able to use in order to get your relationship back on track. If this is your area of confusion I'd really encourage you to purchase the book I mentioned earlier in this section by John Gray.

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Great Sex Tips