Relationship Counselling Or Coaching – Which Is Right For You?

Should you be going for relationship counselling or relationship coaching? And what's the difference?

That's a question that's often asked by my clients before the come to work with me – mostly because the distinction isn't very clear between the two.

Frankly, I don't divide the two in my work. I change my style to suit the needs of the client often whilst going through just a single session. Why bother to be rigid? After all you're only interested in getting the best help you can in your relationships, not worrying about whether it's coaching or counselling.

However, if you're genuinely interested to know how relationship counselling differs from coaching, here's a summary for you. I apologise to any ‘strict' relationship counsellors out there who may have a different view. The boundaries between coaching and counselling are not clearly defined anywhere - this is purely a view.

Relationship Counselling

Traditionally focused on your past, on your feelings and working to help you heal your pain. More often than in coaching, counselling will take place with both partners being counselled together at the same time. Counsellors are less likely to be focused on creating new goals and outcomes than they are on resolving past and current issues. Sometimes these issues are defined as diagnosable problems. Counsellors are ‘the expert' and will use their expertise to advise or guide you. A counsellor will come across as very caring and empathetic.

Relationship Coaching

Coaching is predominantly future focused. Once your problems are uncovered, the majority of the time is spent creating practical steps to eliminate those problems and on achieving behaviours, results or feelings that will replace your problems. Coaching is often done on a 1-1 basis. Although the coach may dip into your past problems, they are unlikely to spend much time with you trying to establish the causes.

Coaching works on the basis that focusing on the solution and how to achieve that will negate the need to review in significant depth the past reasons for your problems. This allows coaching to be a lot more process oriented and whilst it requires specific coaching skills it is possible for a good coach to work well in an area where your problem lies even though they may not have much direct expertise.

A coach will work together with you to create solutions to your problems as a solution you create yourself is something you're much more likely to believe in and implement. A coach will display great empathy, but will also challenge and push you to break through the fears that may be holding you back. You and your coach are more likely to set achievable, specific goals over a set time.

Ultimately I guess you're just interested in resolving your problems in as quick and as pain free a way as possible. Sometimes relationship coaching is more appropriate, sometimes relationship counselling. I find it a rare case where one client doesn't benefit from a blend of the two.

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