Recently one of my e-zine subscribers emailed me about an experience that she and three of her friends had. It seems they went out speed dating and none of them found anyone of interest. Which resulted in the question ‘Where are all the suitable men?’. Well generally I try to keep that kind of dating advice for my paying clients but given it was such a direct request I’m going to share it with you.
The suitable men have a special club that they belong to!
It’s a club that requires a suit and there are no women allowed. If you’re looking for them you’re out of luck because they’ve realised life is a whole lot easier without a woman looking for the perfect man. They have passwords, secret handshakes and everything else necessary to keep their club well hidden. You’re never getting in. So thanks for asking.
That leaves you with the rest of us!
The real answer to ‘where are all the suitable men?’ is simply this.
That suitable man is wherever you are, he’s walking in the same park you’re in, he’s in the same coffee shops you’re drinking in, he’s standing next to you in the supermarket. You may not meet him today or even tomorrow but I know for a fact he’s out there.
So how can 4 women go to a speed dating event and not manage to find at least one suitable man? I even spoke to the woman that wrote to me. It turns out that 15 guys ticked her box, which means they’re eager to date her. She only dated one of them who turned out to be too young for her.
I attend dating events in a professional capacity and I know that they can attract the worst kind of men, but generally 75% of them are presentable and you can side step the rest. So worst case scenario this woman got ticked by 5 social liabilities which leaves her with ten at least reasonable men. So she picks the guy that’s too young. Does that strike anyone else here as interesting?
One of the earliest things my clients do, male or female, is draw up a list detailing their ‘Perfect Partner’. There is a tendency for some people, and this generally applies more to my male clients, to be totally unrealistic. So point number one is that if you’re looking to get with someone who’s a ten you better be at least an eight or they’re not going to approach you or allow you to approach them.
The second issue, and I think this is where the initial question really comes from, is that a ten will rarely be found at a speed dating event – finding people to date isn’t something they struggle with. Your job is to find the places where they do spend time. This is the tricky bit for some people but it’s easily fixed. There are so many different ways of meeting people. The thing is, it takes perseverance.
One of my clients started going to Toastmaster’s because she wanted to meet some quality men and figured that an organization dedicated to learning how to speak up in public would be a great place to start. Initially it was hard work, the group was fairly closed but over time things started to warm up and before long she was dating the Vice President.
If you start dance classes then you need to persevere to the point where you stop looking like a dork, and then people will get a lot more interested. It’s a phenomenon referred to as ‘social proof’. Once you start being accepted in a group your value goes up and suddenly you have chemistry.
Potentially the truth is that our suitable men really are hanging out in clubs, you’ve just got to get access and figure out how to get their attention. If the people you meet are below the standards you’ve set then you need to look in a better environment. I once worked with a guy who worked as a bouncer in a strip joint and wondered why all the women he met there seemed to be a little unsuitable.
So I have two answers to the question.
One possibility is that some of the things you’re specifying as essential qualities are unrealistic and either you, or your love interest, are never going to measure up. The second possibility is that you’re hanging out in all the wrong places. If this is your issue it’s time to stop being lazy and generate some much better ideas about where to find these ‘suitable men’. A relevant quote by Edwin Lowes Cole that I like is ‘You don’t drown by falling into water, you drown by staying there.’
For More Tips For Finding Mr Right – Please See Below
| Who else would like to know the two biggest secrets for Finding Mr Right?
Following a recent survey, and with 20 years of experience working in this area, Michael has decided to give away the answers to the two biggest questions women have when Finding Mr Right. Here is a four minute video containing the answers you need to know to prevent you making a couple of classic mistakes that could be keeping you single. |
Tags: advice, approach, date, dating, finding love, Finding Mr. Right, Identify Your Ideal Partner, love, partner, perfect, perfect man, perfect partner, speed dating, suitable, suitable men, suitable partner, unrealistic
I must comment on this as I have experienced several speed dating events in the last year.
As a man I have experienced the other side of this. Although I had read that women were extremely picky at these events, i must say I was shocked to see how much.
At the first event I attended, I enjoyed the evening, but I felt that the time allowed was insufficient to draw any conclusions, and not being totally conversant with how these things work, I thought what the heck and put a cross next to everybody.
A few days later I receive an e-mail “Congratulations you have been successful” – Yeh!, no doubt a number of the attendees were bowled over by my witty and charming persona. I quickly dive in to discover the full extent of my success:
Number of women who would like to date you again – NIL
Number of women who would never consider dating a loser like you but, if push comes to shove would consider adding you to their long list of friends – One
OK may have paraphrased a little here. What were all these middle aged single mothers expecting ?
I have tried to make myself as attractive as possible. I look after my body, in the gym several times a week, do the equivalent of a couple of marathons a week in the summer. Most of my friends would say I was the life and soul of the party – you may have seen me out and about performing shakespeare or stand up comedy. I try to get by on the six figure income I get from the company I own.
And no, I did not spend all the time talking about myself, and yes I did keep things light and fun.
The other events were exactly the same.
So do I fit into the “social liabilty” section or the “barely passable” section ? It would appear the results are the same.
Michael
Yes, I keep asking myself this question – awesome article and keeps me wondering. But I carry on regardless and keep hoping.
Also like your new videos – and amazing shirts – and now I know what you really look like.
So as a long time client, do I get the answer to the question or have I still a long way to go?
So I am testing whether this process works now and whether I get a response.
Yee-Liu
PS Have you thought about a favicon for your website so we can identify you easily for bookmarking? It’s a one minute job and helps to locate you under my favourites …