Flirting Advice for Finesse
June 13th, 2007Summer is here and that’s really good news if you’re single and looking for love. The increased light levels have a positive effect on energy levels and more importantly cause a rise in your hormones leading to an increased desire to procreate. Put more simply, anyone out and about who’s single right now isn’t going to need much encouragement to start feeling a little frisky. So let me share a little flirting advice with you. Read the rest of this entry »
The Problem With Avoiding Arguments
May 31st, 2007One of my clients came to me recently very confused about why his relationship seemed to be getting worse, even though he’d been using the ‘Time Out’ tool I’d taught him. As far as Paul was concerned they’d managed to go without rowing for over a month which appeared to be a total breakthrough given the level of friction previous to my coaching. However, his wife Serena was less than thrilled with what she referred to as, ‘his continual withdrawal’ and, ‘running away from the relationship’. If anything, she was even more ready to end their marriage than she’d been before we started work.
If you’d like to know one of the biggest relationship killers identified by two of the world’s leading relationship experts, and how to avoid doing it, then read on. Read the rest of this entry »
Dealing With Heartbreak
May 16th, 2007I have a client who’s dealing with heartbreak. She recently broke up with someone she considered to be the love of her life. It happened very recently and as a result Christine* is feeling really raw. She wrote me a very pained email detailing just how totally overwhelmed she felt by her grief.
As often happens in these times Christine was feeling totally depressed and had talked herself into believing that her life was pointless, that she was useless and that she would never find anyone to love her. Added to which she’s heaped on a bunch of financial pain due to some cash flow problems she was having. Christine had started to seriously consider taking a walk to the beach, leaving her trainers at the sea’s edge and just swimming out**. If you’d like to know how to get yourself out of that kind of pain, should it ever happen to you, then please read on. Read the rest of this entry »
Approaching Women, Attracting Men
May 2nd, 2007What would you rather do?
Approach an attractive stranger or go to war?
I regularly have people tell me that they’re scared to death to approach people of the opposite sex, specifically the ones they fancy. Such a tragedy.
At its worst it means you end up with a world of people in relationships they never really wanted to be in because they didn’t have the nerve to approach Mr. or Miss Right. They’re living their lives with a sense of having settled for second best, raising kids who sense that all is not well given the level of contempt and dissatisfaction between their parents. The kids suffer and at worst turn into drug addicts or criminals or at least go on to having their own dysfunctional relationships.
So my mission is to get you from one end of the room to the next or to turn and talk to that golden ray of gorgeousness you’ve spotted so that we can all begin to live happily ever after. Also resulting in a lot less of the petty vandalism that goes on in my neighbourhood! Read the rest of this entry »
Arguments That Push Your Buttons
April 19th, 2007As a result of publishing Should I Stay or Should I Go on the net I’m working more and more with couples in crisis. One of the things I see time and time again is that a lot of couples seem to have the same fight, or at least end up in the same place pretty much every time they argue. It used to be that I’d get into a long explanation of projection and transference but I recently came across an explanation of this phenomenon that’s a lot more user friendly.
When you find yourself saying things or doing things you wish had never come out of your mouth - you’ve been triggered. Everyone I ever work identifies with that - you behave in ways that are down right destructive and but you just can’t help yourself. It’s as if you’ve got caught up in your own private horror movie and you’re being haunted by your own ghosts. How often have you caught yourself reacting in this way with your partner? If you want to break this pattern, read on. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s A Lot Like Buying A House!
April 4th, 2007About six months ago Mary came to me because she was sick of being single - except for the occasional bout of dating a guy who turned out to be totally unsuitable. She was eager to change her situation and wanted to know exactly how to do it. As I took Mary through our coaching program she made the observation that it was a lot like buying a house. I liked the analogy so much that I started using it myself in my conversations with clients.
Most of us know buying a home is not always going to be fun. In fact we’re pretty clear we can kiss goodbye to quite a bit of our free time as we traipse around all the options that our friendly estate agents are willing to offer. If we’re smart we just get on with it, with faith, courage, and a sense of adventure; knowing there is a concrete result out there in the not too distant future helps. The same is true of your relationship and if you can get it right you will be living in it for many years to come.
However, a few of you have been burned once too often, found the perfect relationship and then been gazumped at the last minute. Or chosen the wrong relationship and found after years of trying to knock down walls and plaster over the cracks that it was never right for you from the start. Whatever your past problems you’ve come to the stage where you’re struggling to believe you can find your Mr. Right.
So what can you do? The first thing to do is recognise that there’s usually one of four problems that’s standing in your way of finding your partner. Either you; Read the rest of this entry »
Are You An Angry Woman?
March 21st, 2007I was out at a party last week and a female friend of mine told me that she only seemed to ever attract the deeply desperate male or players that were ‘only interested in one thing’. Shefali went on to say that she did her best to protect herself by never really engaging with men she didn’t know. I know Shefali pretty well and was surprised to hear she was having any difficulty attracting what she’d call ‘nice’ men. I suggested that she worked harder at cultivating what Leil Lowndes terms a ‘warm, feminine and available’ look. The results astounded her and frankly even I was a little surprised. Read the rest of this entry »
Listen Carefully
March 7th, 2007I’m quoted in the March edition of Cosmopolitan in an article titled ‘Why he loves you more than you think’. My section is about how much importance you could be putting on the words your loved one uses about you. Men in particular are very literal when it comes to the things they say. At the same time they offer some really big clues about how they feel about you - if you’re prepared to listen.
One of the things that has become really apparent listening to women talk about their bad experiences is that generally a guy will let you know very early on what his intentions are in the longer term. This is what you need to listen out for… Read the rest of this entry »
Coping With Loneliness
February 21st, 2007Teresa broke up with her boyfriend about six months ago and whilst the feeling of being heart broken had disappeared she was still in a lot of pain. Like many of the single people I coach Teresa was often caught out by her feelings of loneliness. It really came to a head for her on January 1st at about 2am in the morning. What she found to be especially painful was the fact that she’d just spent the last 6 hours partying with her favourite friends after a day on the ski slopes with them.
Loneliness is one of the reasons I insist my clients agree to a ‘man ban’ during the first couple of months of coaching with me. Feeling lonely is such a powerful pain that people will get into the strangest relationships in order to avoid it. If you’d like to know how to come to terms with loneliness then please read on. Read the rest of this entry »
Overcoming Jealousy
February 7th, 2007Liz recently starting having the most intense feelings of jealousy around her partner Mark. She was really worried she would destroy her relationship with him. More specifically she felt very threatened by his ex girlfriend and some of his work colleagues. As a result, she was becoming distant, critical and had started checking his emails and texts. This was especially distressing for Liz because it didn’t sit well with her sense of how she liked to be perceived.
Fortunately jealousy is a fairly easy fix, so if you or anyone you know is struggling to cope with it then read on. Read the rest of this entry »