How To Make Yourself More Attractive
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006Would you like to know a quick and easy-to-master skill that will make you more attractive overnight? Are you ready to give out doses of love and affection guaranteed to make you and those around you feel even better about life?
One of my ‘How to Talk to Women‘ clients, Robert, was complaining that he wasn’t getting much in the way of compliments or affection from his friends. Beneath the shell of being fine, it had him wondering if he was doing something wrong or whether they even liked him. I had begun to notice that Robert rarely offered up any praise himself so I had him explore the connection. A very simple rule for success is that whatever you want more of in your life start giving it.
Dan Sullivan, The Strategic Coach, created a great metaphor called ‘The Helium Culture’ for this process and I’d like to share it with you. Picture this and play along with this idea somewhere inside yourself. We are all balloons and we need helium to stay afloat. Every interaction is a chance for one of three things to happen.
One. It’s a very low grade or functional interaction and no one leaves any the richer. No helium is given or taken.
Two. It’s painful; somehow the other person manages to suck out some of your helium. Maybe your boss criticises you or your spouse tells you you’re crap in bed. These types of things generally leave us feeling a little deflated.
Three. It’s an affirming encounter where you provide the required elements to keep another person afloat. Somehow you work in a piece of affirmation of the other’s spirit in such a way that they feel better about themselves. This can be a compliment about what they are wearing, the brilliance of their thinking or the beautiful curve of their neck. Every person you meet is, all things considered, doing the very best they can and would love it if you’d notice. The more specific you can be the better they feel.
So in every interaction you’ve got three choices. In my experience nearly everyone would like to be taking the third option. Yet for many people getting or giving a compliment can be a little like pulling teeth. It simply takes practice and you need to know how to have your very own Praise Party. If you’ve followed the last couple of articles I’ve written you should be finding it easier to compliment than ever before.
So how to have the Michael Myerscough patented Praise Party? I had my client Robert pick a friend he felt reasonably safe with and explain the whole helium culture metaphor. The game is, within a set period of time, to work in as many compliments as possible scoring one point for each compliment. You lose a point for repetition and any insult costs you 5 points. How long you play is up to you but I suggest starting out with half an hour and then building up your stamina. It’s just a game, its lots of fun, and you may end up liking each other even more than you do already.
Now every couple of years I have been accused of blowing warm air up a particular orifice since some people resist anyone being nice to them. These are the deeply damaged souls that need your subtle love and affection more than most, but you might have to move into stealth mode. I try to see it as blowing warm, pink air into their hearts and gently inflating their spirit.’
Robert came back to the next call transformed; sometimes letting yourself feel how special every interaction can be is enough to brighten up your life. This includes people in queues with you, the checkout operator and bank clerk. You are never too busy to make the two of you feel better. Be intelligent with the ferocity of your loving attention, keeping in mind you can afford to be at least 10 times more affirming than you are critical. Remember that giving helium doesn’t cost you anything; that tank is self charging. Have fun and remember to check out the tips below.
Michael
Quick Question
I’m hoping you’d be good enough to help me. I’m finalising a new product called ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ and I want to make sure I’m not missing anything. Do you have any questions around that subject that you wish someone had given you in the past? Maybe you’re struggling with that question right now in which case I’d be happy to include it in an interview I’m about to do. Please email me your questions at sisosig@therelationshipgym.com Remember, the only dumb question is the one you didn’t dare ask.
Tips on Becoming More Attractive
Become the change you’d like to see in the world
I learned this from one of my yoga students. It’s been working wonders in my life and in the lives of my clients. One of my clients recently told me that as a result of following this tip she had a more romantic time with her boyfriend in the park than they had while away in the Caribbean. If you want more love, give more love.
Avoid leeches
There are people in life who will habitually drain your energy. These are not good people for you to be around. You may well need to make better choices about who you spend time with or at the very least draw up much tighter boundaries around what is and isn’t ok with you.
Be a better lover
People who stay together in relationships and enjoy each other have been observed to compliment their partner at least five times more than they criticise. The best of the best have a ratio more like twenty to one. Couples who play together stay together so why not start to enjoy your partner even more than you have been lately.
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