Flirting Advice for Finesse
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007Summer is here and that’s really good news if you’re single and looking for love. The increased light levels have a positive effect on energy levels and more importantly cause a rise in your hormones leading to an increased desire to procreate. Put more simply, anyone out and about who’s single right now isn’t going to need much encouragement to start feeling a little frisky. So let me share a little flirting advice with you.
Whilst coaching women on Finding Mr. Right I teach them that they have two major assets when it comes to getting all the attention they’ve ever dreamed of, leaving aside the obvious that is. If you’re aiming to get as far as conversation your major assets are now your teeth and your eyes. And guys, the good news is, this works just as well for you.
First up is a confident smile that is warm and inviting. It should send out a message that you are a safe, happy person to spend time with. Always keep in mind that somewhere, deep in the subconscious mind, your quarry’s reptilian brain is obsessing over whether you are a threat or not. Simply put the three questions it asks go like this;
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1. Will it eat me?
2. Can I eat it? And
3. Can I procreate with it?
Only one of those is about sex, the two others are about safety. I’ll teach you how to use this to your advantage a little later.
Your smile is something that may have to be practiced. A client of mine, Stuart, was not what you’d call a natural smiler. In repose his face looked stern and way too serious, which let’s face it that’s not how to win friends and influence people. Most of us know how to smile, it’s just reminding ourselves to do it that takes practice. We were all babies once so the muscle memory is in there somewhere.
I coached Stuart on deliberately noticing people around him who tended to smile easily and how it made him feel. I had him notice the times he laughed out loud and I had him practice smiling at himself in the mirror. I also had him jam a pencil between his teeth, as far back as he could. No! Not like that, sideways. This forces your lips back into a huge grin. Go on, try it. You know ya wanna. All that’s left then is to remember to smile when you’ve made eye contact with someone. Stuart is not alone on this challenge and if he can come across as warm and friendly then so can you.
Moving on to eye contact, you want to develop what Leil Lowndes calls ‘sticky eyes’. Not in the conjunctivitis sense of the word. More in the sense that you just can’t stand to break eye contact with someone because you think that person is especially interesting or gorgeous. You catch someone’s eye and then hold the contact a fraction longer than you’re comfortable with. One of my female clients recently used this on a train and got great results. It works especially well once you’re in a conversation and communicates great interest. Lowndes talks about developing a sense of warm toffee connecting your eyes with theirs. This technique isn’t just about seduction, it’s a great way of making someone feel good about themselves and having them like you for it.
I had an actress friend of mine who was ridiculously good at this. She taught me that it works particularly well when saying goodbye to someone you’re interested in. Especially when you’re busy saying what a great time you had meeting them as you part. Her technique was more like Super Sticky Eyes and, even though I knew she was teaching me a trick, it still had the ability to raise my heart rate. Having previously scoped out your exit, so you know you’re not going to walk into a lamp post, imagine the toffee a couple of degrees cooler and hold the eye contact even longer whilst you walk away.
The grand finale is Sexy Super Sticky Eyes. Only use this one if you are really romantically interested in the person opposite you. It’s simple. Think about the best sex you’ve ever had, or imagine the best sex you could be having. Keeping it all inside yourself, aim to feel some of those feelings. Maybe even see a little of what you saw and if you’re really lucky, hear what you could hear back there. Then look them directly in the eye and say something flirtatious like, ‘Hmmm those cherries really were sweet and juicy’ and wait to see the effect you get. If you get the tone of voice right, throw in a smile and if there’s any chemistry at all I guarantee they’ll shift in their seat.
This is really just the beginning of how outrageous and playful you can become. People love good flirts and good flirts are generally happier people. It’s a skill you can learn to be completely comfortable with; most of my clients just need to loosen up a little. The good news is that you are already doing most of this stuff to some extent or other; you just need to be able to switch it on even when you’re feeling a little shy. As my Yoga guru loves to say, with his fantastic Indian accent, ‘Do your practice and all is coming!’
Best wishes
Michael
Tips on Flirting
Your confident smile builds a bridge between you and another person and is effective over great distances. If they smile back at you it’s confirmation that they are interested in getting to know you at least a little better.
Certain words require a smile to say them, remember your school photographer and the word ‘Cheese’. Personally I prefer the word ‘Squeeze’ and I’ll say it a couple of times, with feeling, before I get up for a speech just to wake my facial muscles
Eye contact is a key indicator of interest. If you walk into a room and a guy looks at you once, he’s establishing if he’s still safe or not. If you’re female he’ll look at you again on the basis of the subconscious procreation question, if he looks at you a third time you know you have the option of throwing him a smile then reeling him in.
Men, if you look at a woman in order to get her attention be sure to smile or it can seem like a stare. She will always look away, you then need to pay attention to how long it takes her to look back. If it takes less than 45 seconds your interest is welcome and you’d do well to make some kind of subtle approach.
A female client of mine says that getting caught staring admiringly (with a kind of ‘how did I ever get so lucky?’ look) at her date over the menu and then acting shy and coy about it is a winner. The guy is generally putty in her hands from then on.
The only time increased eye contact isn’t appreciated is generally between two men. It can come across as invasive and aggressive so pay attention to the effect you’re getting. It’s a fine line between making someone feel important and intimidated.
One Response to “Flirting Advice for Finesse”
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September 27th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
eye contact is difficult fo me coz i am very shy i feel uncomfortable if i hold eye contact with a guy ..but i’ll try to change