Sometimes I get letters from people looking for dating advice who’ve bought my Finding Mr Right program and got stuck on a particular point. One of the more common points I address with people is how to write a profile or personal ad that gets the attention you deserve.
From looking through these ads with clients, and sometimes purely for my own entertainment, a few things have become very clear to me. If you’re interested in how to get 20 men a week or more replying to your ad then please read the dating advice below. It will tell you all you need to know.
Shock, Horror! Men and women are different
Men and women online date in an entirely different fashion. We may not actually be from different planets but we do have our differences. This is especially true when it comes to placing a profile on an internet dating site. You may be shocked to hear that men aren’t at all interested in what you write up in your profile. Not for a little while anyway.
Firstly they look at your photo. And if they like that, then they look at your other photos to make sure the first one is actually realistic. This piece of dating advice may be a little painful but you need to remember that your man to be is, at heart, a hunter. At this point he’s still tracking game and only if you pass this test will he start to dig a little deeper.
This is where it gets interesting, he’s not going to read your profile, he’s going to scan it and look for words he finds interesting or, dare I say it, arouse his interest. I’m going to share something with you that I’ve observed because I’m on the inside when it comes to people getting results on dating sites. This may be painful for you to hear but it’s probably going to be less than shocking.
Time to get amorous and experimental
The women who put profiles together that get deluged with replies work in words like: flirting, amorous, playful, snogging, experimental, massage, riding, sunshine, intimate, great kissers. Now none of these are overly graphic, they don’t even begin to promise adult fun on your first date or anything like that, but they will get you a lot of attention. These are words that could be referred to as ‘trigger’ words. You can put them into any sentence and men are going to spot them and potentially drift off into idle fantasy about you. This is a good thing. Capturing a man’s attention really isn’t all that difficult.
Recently I came across a couple of brilliant examples that were none too subtle but gracefully executed. One woman talked about herself being ‘colourful, fruity and a little bit naughty just like her favourite cocktail’. For those of you that missed it the word cocktail probably wasn’t accidental. Another woman admitted to a love of rabbits and given the look of one of her photo’s it’s almost certain that she’s not talking about Bugs Bunny.
You’re gonna get flirty not dirty!
This is where you get to make a personal choice, it’s entirely up to you. I’ve fought with clients over this piece of dating advice when they were getting miserable about the lack of response to their intelligently witty profile.
What amazes me is the level of resistance to being a little or, in some cases, a lot more flirty. Every woman I’ve ever spoken to loves kissing, can be amorous and in the right circumstances considers herself to be experimental and playful. Why not make it a selling point?
There are two major objections I hear to this idea:
- I don’t want to sound like a slut. – I don’t blame you. Just be careful about the words you use. There’s a world of difference between the word amorous and slutty. What do you think?
- I want quality not quantity. Yes, I agree that getting 20 amorously interested messages next time you log into your account could be a little daunting but it’s nothing you can’t handle. Just get good at tossing out the rubbish. You don’t want to be eliminating options this early on.
So what if you decided to slip on your red heels, or whatever it is that allows you to vamp up a bit, as you wrote your profile? How would that change the way you portray yourself? Attraction is a subconscious process and a lot more primal than you may be comfortable with. Knowing this piece of dating advice, what could you do differently?
More great dating tips below.
Here’s the truth, I never really wanted to be a business, I just wanted to coach people on building fantastic relationships. Turns out that’s a privilege I earn through clever marketing and a natty website. I now have two employees, one of whom is a gifted web developer and we’re aiming to have systems in place to automate this blog so you’ll soon be receiving it regularly again. I’m sorry for the gap but I’ve been working on some really cool projects.
In case you’re interested it can be quite a balancing act, I have a busy coaching practice and I’m always playing catch up on the creative stuff that I ‘could’ be doing to add even more value. Right now I’m really proud that we’ve managed to turn our flagship ‘Finding Mr Right‘ into a home study course.
We recently re-shot the video so I don’t look like such an idiot anymore. It’s really cool, in fact it’s so cool I’m giving away a CD out lining The Seven Secrets To Finding Mr Right as an introduction. From my side it’s a no-brainer, if you’re single order the CD! That said I know any kind of commitment can be scary for some.
Tips on Writing Profiles
- Look at the cover of a men’s magazine to see what words trigger their buying response. If you really want to be clever, pick the ones you’d actually read, then you know you’re using the right words for your kind of a guy!
- I used to run a program called Finding Miss Right for which we had next to no interest because that’s not where men are at. Most men start out looking for women who are fun to spend time with and may actually put out at some point. They then start to build a relationship. As Barbara DeAngelis says ‘men are looking for sex and women are looking for love’.
- Remember that you’re still in charge with regard to the timing of any fooling around – you’re not making any promises, just engaging allusions. One of my number one pieces of dating advice is that sex on a first date is generally the kiss of death for a relationship. There are exceptions, but not many!
Tags: advice, attract, attraction, coaching, date, dating, Dating Advice, Flirting, love, pain, potential, relationship, relationships, single