Diana is sick to death of Steve. She’s sick of their continual bickering, she’s sick of the fighting, she’s sick of spending so much time in separate beds, she’s sick of how anxious she feels and she’s sick of obsessing about the relationship so much of the time. As a result she decided to drag Steve along with her for some marriage help.

As with most of the couples I see, one of the primary areas that Diana and Steve were struggling with was their understanding of how to apply healthy boundaries. I’m about to give you a lesson that has the potential to totally revolutionise the way you approach life and how you feel about it. You might not need marriage help, but I can assure you that this article will simplify your life.

(more…)

Last week I was driving in my car and reflecting on how great life is. I have a thing about aiming to stay in the moment, so I was busy paying attention to what a perfect moment it was.

I enjoy driving. It’s one of those times I’m able to stop rushing around trying to do 100 things at once which allows me to be that little bit more present to the experience of living. I suspect you’re wondering what on earth this has to do with you and your relationship! But I managed to come up with a great metaphor that finally clarified for me exactly how your protective boundary should be working. So if you want the ability to be able to deflect other people’s garbage, read on.

(more…)

As a result of publishing Should I Stay or Should I Go on the net I’m working more and more with couples in crisis. One of the things I see time and time again is that a lot of couples seem to have the same fight, or at least end up in the same place pretty much every time they argue. It used to be that I’d get into a long explanation of projection and transference but I recently came across an explanation of this phenomenon that’s a lot more user friendly.

When you find yourself saying things or doing things you wish had never come out of your mouth – you’ve been triggered. Everyone I ever work identifies with that – you behave in ways that are down right destructive and but you just can’t help yourself. It’s as if you’ve got caught up in your own private horror movie and you’re being haunted by your own ghosts. How often have you caught yourself reacting in this way with your partner? If you want to break this pattern, read on. (more…)

I’m quoted in the March edition of Cosmopolitan in an article titled `Why he loves you more than you think’. My section is about how much importance you could be putting on the words your loved one uses about you. Men in particular are very literal when it comes to the things they say. At the same time they offer some really big clues about how they feel about you – if you’re prepared to listen.

One of the things that has become really apparent listening to women talk about their bad experiences is that generally a guy will let you know very early on what his intentions are in the longer term. This is what you need to listen out for: (more…)

I’m still putting the final touches to Should I Stay or Should I Go and I’m really amazed by what I’ve learned whilst researching it. So many more of the problems between couples than I ever realised are actually communication based issues not compatibility mismatches. This is great news if you are in a relationship and that includes friendships. I’m about to teach you a skill that may well revolutionise the way you view conflicts in your life.

Often times our conflicts are about trying to get other people to change and become more like ourselves. The irony here for me is that it’s hard enough for me to change myself let alone try to bend someone else to my will. It is my humble suggestion that we should all stop trying and take a lot more responsibility for handling our own emotional issues. The strange thing about this of course is that the moment you stop trying to bully your partner into changing they are generally more than happy to meet you half way. Let me show you how you do it. (more…)

Would you like to know a quick and easy-to-master skill that will make you more attractive overnight? Are you ready to give out doses of love and affection guaranteed to make you and those around you feel even better about life?

One of my ‘How to Talk to Women‘ clients, Robert, was complaining that he wasn’t getting much in the way of compliments or affection from his friends. Beneath the shell of being fine, it had him wondering if he was doing something wrong or whether they even liked him. I had begun to notice that Robert rarely offered up any praise himself so I had him explore the connection. A very simple rule for success is that whatever you want more of in your life start giving it.

Dan Sullivan, The Strategic Coach, created a great metaphor called ‘The Helium Culture’ for this process and I’d like to share it with you. Picture this and play along with this idea somewhere inside yourself. We are all balloons and we need helium to stay afloat. Every interaction is a chance for one of three things to happen. (more…)