A Life Drenched in Love
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007I was recently talking with a coaching friend of mine about what it takes for successful living and her criteria was remarkably simple. The foundation for her success (and trust me, she’s successful) is a life drenched in love. I liked the idea so much I’ve been using it with my clients, particularly those who are looking for a relationship. Thanks Melody.
You need to remember that “like attracts like”, so increasing your extraordinarily valuable and lovable nature is essential work. It helps you raise your self-esteem and high self-esteem is essential if you’re hoping to have at least one great relationship in your life. Insecure, needy people attract other insecure, needy people and they rarely live happily ever after. So if you have a repeating pattern of relationships not working, there’s some important work to be done, and the best person to work on changing is yourself.
Over the past 15 years, it’s become clear to me that the most valuable piece of work for an individual is to determine his or her real emotional needs. Whether we like it or not, we all have emotional needs that must be met for us to feel happy in life. Things like a sense of safety, being held fondly, praise, recognition, and honesty are some examples of emotional needs. Sometimes, this kind of stuff can feel like a weakness and you’d rather people didn’t know it about you. But, the most important emotional needs are directly connected with our ability to feel love in our lives and satisfying these needs makes all the difference in how we feel about ourselves.
The work I did as a counsellor with some fairly pissed off and often deeply distressed young people taught me a lot about love. It became evident to me that having no one love us in a way we can feel is nothing by comparison to having no one to love. I noticed that the smartest young people would develop some really interesting strategies for loving something in their lives and as a result protect their hearts. In lives that were often wildly out of control the smartest would develop a love for things a little more within their control. They’d get a puppy, develop a love of nature through bird watching or maybe even get a fish tank they could make beautiful. Or they’d decide to excel in some sport or other activity so they knew on some level they were truly amazing, even if the people who mattered most seemed to miss that fact.
A mistake that some people make is they restrict meeting this basic need to love or be loved to their nearest and dearest, which is actually the kiss of death for a relationship. So how could you begin to build a life drenched in love? You could borrow a dog a couple of times a week as they are always wildly excited to meet you. Other options might include developing a new skill, learning a new language, practicing martial arts, or studying motor mechanics. The idea is to pick something that increases your self-love and makes you feel proud.
Can you list 20 things you know that make you love yourself and your life? Are they things you know deep inside make you and your life special and exceptional? What could you build into your life to connect you more directly to the love in your heart? What would it take for you to write out a list of twenty things you love about yourself or your life? If you’re looking for someone to love you it would be smart to start out by loving yourself. If “like attracts like”, then start building a life worth loving.
Since that can be easier said than done, I am here to personally coach you along the process. Identifying personal needs and raising self-esteem is some of the most crucial work with my clients, and also the most rewarding. Call or email me and together we will build you a life drenched in love.
Best wishes
Michael
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