14 out of 20 men prefer her – Why?
Wednesday, November 7th, 2007I’m very big on the idea of multiple dating as a way of finding your perfect partner. The early pieces of work I do with each of my clients allows them to get very clear on what they’re looking for in a relationship; we then work out what’s getting in the way of getting that.
The next piece in the program is to get out there and start meeting people. One of my favourite formats for this is speed dating, as it’s so efficient. A speed dating event allows you to spend three minutes with up to twenty different dates in one evening. If you liked your date enough to want another with him, or her, you tick a box on a form which ends up being entered into a computer. The day after you receive notice of how many matches you got – the people you ticked who ticked you back.
Every once in a while I get a testimonial that really excites me and I’d like to share this one with you from Laura who I’ve been working with for the last two months.
“I had the results through from my speed dating night and am pleased to report that 14 of the 20 guys I talked to wanted to date me. I ticked 6 that I liked and every single one of them also ticked me so I now have 6 dates to cram into the next few weeks!! My friend who I went with got 3 out of 20 guys interested and I would say we are very similar on the scale looks wise so it just goes to show how far I’ve come in terms of confidence and flirt-skills.
It’s just magic. I’m so pleased.”
Of course it’s not magic but it is quite an achievement for a woman who, weeks earlier, had practically given up on the idea of finding anyone she even remotely wanted a relationship with. Due to some unfortunate incidents as a teenager she’s completely missed out on learning how to flirt with men. This resulted in Laura being largely at the mercy of men expressing an interest in her.
There’s a strange phenomenon that occurs with women who are shy and therefore unable to express interest in a man they fancy. Men, particularly the decent ones, generally assume that you’re just not interested and leave you alone. That means that as a woman you leave yourself open to being approached either by professional pick up artists or people who’ve been rejected so much they just don’t care anymore. These guys are generally not the cream of the crop and this situation leads to a further reduction in your self esteem.
As a shy guy of course it’s much worse, you get to spend the rest of your life alone drinking beer and playing computer games with your man friends. Or you win a woman willing to mother you whilst you spend the rest of your life lusting after women you never had the nerve to approach.
When it comes to speed dating the number of matches you get is largely based on how great a first impression you make. In my experience the most important factor in that first impression is your level of self esteem. When Helen came to me she’d just done a speed dating event and got 3 ticks and 1 match. She was understandably concerned by this, particularly when you consider that quite a few of the men will tick every woman they talk to because all they are really looking for is someone with a pulse and the ability to fog up a mirror.
So here are my three top tips for successful first impressions.
1. You must get to a point where you understand that it’s OK to flirt. Actually it’s beyond OK, it’s more like imperative. Please deal with this one. It doesn’t mean you have to marry them, have sex with them or even accept an invitation to dinner. Flirting is fun, Flirting is fun, Flirting is fun.
2. You need to get to a point where you feel great about yourself and be OK with that. The link between self esteem and attraction is all about how you feel on the inside and how that radiates out to the people around you.
3. Let them know you are interested. This is closely related to flirting but this moves them to a point where they begin to consider that there could be something going on between the two of you.
This is pretty much all I did with Laura and, as you can see from her results, it worked a treat. See some more tips below on how you can apply it to your own life.
Tips on improving your attraction factor
* Have something going on in your life that you’re excited about. When you have that, you put out a whole different energy. You know how attractive you find people when they shine? You’re looking for your own version of rock star status which gets you groupies.
* One of my female clients generated an excellent mantra that got her so much attention she gave up on the idea of a long term relationship for a while. Say, ‘I am gorgeous, sexy and vibrant and any man that gets to spend time with me is truly blessed.’ Say this to yourself enough, inside your head, until you start to believe it. If you can’t bring yourself to believe it you’d better get some help.
* Men, you can make your own version of the one above. ‘I am gorgeous, sexy and know how to listen (!), any woman that gets to spend time with me is truly blessed.’ You get the general idea. Any man that asks a woman her opinion or how she feels about something and then listens to the answer is ahead of the game.
* Get a book on flirting. I know I keep saying it but, I kid you not, there is a language being spoken out there that you will kick yourself for having not understood earlier. Some seriously hot people have given you a green light and you’ve missed it. Tracy Cox’s Superflirt still rules.
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