What Are You Grateful For?
December 20th, 2007I work with people on shaping their perfect life. A big chunk of that work is on getting them the relationship they’ve always dreamed of, whether that’s singles looking for love or people in couples looking to relight their fire. I find that it’s very easy for my clients to get stuck in feeling either sad or angry about how life isn’t all they dreamed it would be and end up feeling impoverished by their experience. This is terrible for a couple of reasons. Not least is the fact they get to feel sad or angry!
As we come toward the end of the year I’m aware of how miraculous I’m experiencing life as being. Both through the things I’ve experienced as shifting in and around my own life and in the lives of my clients. As we’re coming up on Christmas I thought I’d share some ideas with you about how you too might experience life as miraculous. Read the rest of this entry »
Why Am I Single?
December 5th, 2007I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet but we’re in the run up to Christmas. I say this because I’d like you to notice you have a lot to gain. I’ve been working with people looking for love who continually ask themselves ‘Why am I single’ for so long that I can safely say that this is a huge time for getting dates that may otherwise pass you by.
No one, and I mean no one, wants to be single for the Christmas period. As you read this I’d like you to really understand that a great percentage of the single population is currently starting to get slightly freaked out about the prospect of a Christmas alone. Slightly freaked out is actually a bit of an understatement, the more love addicted types are now in more of a full scale panic.
I don’t say any of this to shame or ridicule anyone, it’s just a fact. And I’m wondering what you’d be prepared to do differently if this is your situation? Read the rest of this entry »
14 out of 20 men prefer her – Why?
November 7th, 2007I’m very big on the idea of multiple dating as a way of finding your perfect partner. The early pieces of work I do with each of my clients allows them to get very clear on what they’re looking for in a relationship; we then work out what’s getting in the way of getting that.
The next piece in the program is to get out there and start meeting people. One of my favourite formats for this is speed dating, as it’s so efficient. A speed dating event allows you to spend three minutes with up to twenty different dates in one evening. If you liked your date enough to want another with him, or her, you tick a box on a form which ends up being entered into a computer. The day after you receive notice of how many matches you got – the people you ticked who ticked you back.
Every once in a while I get a testimonial that really excites me and I’d like to share this one with you from Laura who I’ve been working with for the last two months. Read the rest of this entry »
Social Proof
October 10th, 2007Some time ago now I wrote a newsletter on where to find the love of your life. I wanted to share something with you that’s very closely related. It’s key to your success in getting dates once you’ve tracked down where your likely partners are hanging out.
It’s critical that you take advantage of the phenomenon referred to as ‘social proof’. If you want to attract the seriously attractive individuals around you then you really need to understand how it works. Read the rest of this entry »
Remember What Your Parents Told You!
September 26th, 2007I’ve recently been coaching a guy, we’ll call him John, who’s in a new relationship with someone he’s absolutely thrilled with. She measures up to the most important pieces on his perfect partner pages in a way he could never have dreamed of and yet he was not happy. She has a tendency to show up late to pretty much every date they arrange and will often let him down at the last minute.
John, is very successful in business and I’ve worked with him before on what Dan Sullivan, The Strategic Coach, refers to as the four keys to referability. The fours keys are very simple, and if you use them in your business life I guarantee you better business relationships resulting in a happier and more profitable life. People will be so thrilled with you they’ll be raving about you to their networks. We can also use these strategies for much better results in our romantic relationships: Read the rest of this entry »
A Life Drenched in Love
August 29th, 2007I was recently talking with a coaching friend of mine about what it takes for successful living and her criteria was remarkably simple. The foundation for her success (and trust me, she’s successful) is a life drenched in love. I liked the idea so much I’ve been using it with my clients, particularly those who are looking for a relationship. Thanks Melody.
You need to remember that “like attracts like”, so increasing your extraordinarily valuable and lovable nature is essential work. It helps you raise your self-esteem and high self-esteem is essential if you’re hoping to have at least one great relationship in your life. Insecure, needy people attract other insecure, needy people and they rarely live happily ever after. So if you have a repeating pattern of relationships not working, there’s some important work to be done, and the best person to work on changing is yourself. Read the rest of this entry »
Early Signs of the Wrong Relationship
August 15th, 2007One of my favourite activities, assuming that the water is warm enough, is to body surf. It’s a simple enough concept - surfing without the board. I just love swimming out into the sea and getting flung around while pretending to be in control of where I’m heading. Given I started late I’ve never been particularly good at reading the signs and at points have been dumped pretty spectacularly by some rogue waves. I’ve always seemed to get off pretty lightly but I have heard some real horror stories about people nearly killing themselves.
When it comes to relationships I’ve noticed that some people are just as reckless about entering into a situation that could very well do them serious damage. When you’ve worked with as many people as I have it becomes obvious that people do things that are really not in their best interests; resulting in lots of pain and suffering a little way down the line. For this reason I teach my clients to look out for their red flags as they enter into any relationship. Let me teach you how and why to avoid getting yourself into treacherous waters. Read the rest of this entry »
Protecting Yourself From Other People’s Garbage
July 26th, 2007Last week I was driving in my car and reflecting on how great life is. I have a thing about aiming to stay in the moment, so I was busy paying attention to what a perfect moment it was.
I enjoy driving. It’s one of those times I’m able to stop rushing around trying to do 100 things at once which allows me to be that little bit more present to the experience of living. I suspect you’re wondering what on earth this has to do with you and your relationship! But I managed to come up with a great metaphor that finally clarified for me exactly how your protective boundary should be working. So if you want the ability to be able to deflect other people’s garbage, read on. Read the rest of this entry »
Weight-ing for Dating?
July 11th, 2007This started out as an article about food and became one about addiction. Why is this relevant to your relationships? Only because addictions can have a massively negative impact on your ability to either get with a great partner or hold on to one when you’ve found them. In fact an active addiction running in a relationship is enough of a reason for me to refuse to coach a couple that are in crisis, unless it’s being handled.
It’s an area that really matters to me because a considerable number of my clients have had addictions in the past and as a result I have more experience of them than most. Addictions vary wider than the usual food, alcohol and smoking you’d expect.
Even if you’re not suffering from any obvious addictions I suggest you read this article because you probably know someone who is. Read the rest of this entry »
Marriage Help That Really Helps
June 27th, 2007Diana is sick to death of Steve. She’s sick of the their continual bickering, she’s sick of the fighting, she’s sick of spending so much time in separate beds, she’s sick of how anxious she feels and she’s sick of obsessing about the relationship so much of the time. As a result she decided to drag Steve along with her for some marriage help.
As with most of the couples I see, one of the primary areas that Diana and Steve were struggling with was their understanding of how to apply healthy boundaries. I’m about to give you a lesson that has the potential to totally revolutionise the way you approach life and how you feel about it. You might not need marriage help, but I can assure you that this article with simplify your life. Read the rest of this entry »