Handling Rejection

Handling rejection, especially dating rejection is hard for most of us. Read on for tips on overcoming rejection.

David Rock, Neuro Leadership Consultant says,

'When you feel rejected socially, the same circuits in your brain light up as when you feel physical pain.'

No wonder, we struggle so much handling rejection!

You commonly face rejection when you ask for a promotion, send off CV's or go for job interviews. Job searching can be a very testing time, but in that arena you probably accept you need to go through some kind of rejection to get the right job. You don't hesitate to send off another CV or go to another interview, if, at first, you don't succeed.

Dating Rejection

However, it seems to be far harder for us to bounce back and go on another date than it is to book that next interview. I have coached accomplished sales people who live and breathe rejection in their work, but find it impossible to handle dating rejection. We tend to invest more of ourselves emotionally into any dating situation, so you're likely take this type of rejection more personally and feel it more intensely.

Here comes the hard news - if you want to meet the right person, you're going to have to do some rejecting and expect to be rejected yourself. Otherwise, you'll end up settling for Mr. or Ms. Not So Right

Overcoming Rejection

You also need to master the art of rejecting others as well as handling being rejected yourself.

How to reject others

The best way to learn how to reject others is to think about how you prefer to receive rejection. You may be tired of hearing clichés, such as, 'It's not you, it's me.' You may resent people who have said they would phone after a first date and never did. If you would like to be rejected in a more honest and integral way, then make sure that you reject others in this way.

So what do you say?

I'd suggest beginning by saying what you have enjoyed about the date or the time you have spent together, for example, interesting conversation. The next step is to be honest without being cruel.

Generally, we find it hardest to reject dates when we are not physically attracted to them. A good way to handle this is to say that you don't feel that there is enough chemistry between the two of you. Remember that lack of chemistry is not just because someone looks a certain way, sexual attraction is a combination of many complex factors. This means that you could feel a lack of chemistry with someone, who on the surface, you think is a bit of a looker!

Dealing with being rejected

Here are my top tips on how to deal with rejection:

1. Every 'no' that you receive is bringing you closer to the right 'yes' and the right person.
2. Think of a time when you rejected a potential date or relationship - what was going through your mind?
3. Take stock and put things into perspective. Avoid using 'always' or 'never,' when you're talking to yourself about it. For example, 'Men/women always reject me' 'I'll never meet anyone.'
4. Remember that each date or relationship (however short) can teach you something if you're open to it and will lead you closer to the right person
5. Ensure that you analyse the situation accurately and quickly, and avoid phoning everyone you know to moan and prolong your suffering.
6. Avoid binge eating, drinking, moaning and shopping to get over the rejection. Bingeing brings short-term relief and then makes you feel worse.
7. Instead of bingeing, indulge yourself in a self-esteem ritual such as, connecting with people who value you highly, doing something which you have put off for months, doing something you are afraid of, or doing something which makes you look and feel fabulous.
8. Get back on your bike and on the dating scene!
   

Put the tips into practice and you might even have fun along the way! I know - handling rejection is not easy, but the more you practice, the easier it gets.

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