Thinking about having an affair?

Having an affair obviously has serious implications. Here are some thoughts and questions you need to answer if you're thinking of having an affair and want to know whether it's the wrong or right move for you.

The Pro's

• It's exciting
• You'll probably quickly get what you're after – sex, affection, excitement – what ever it is that's missing for you
• It'll reinforce you're desirable, which is an ego boost to anyone
• It could lead to a new and better relationship

The Con's

• It will also bring massive pain – for you, for your partner and most likely for the person you have the affair with
• What's missing in your current relationship may well be missed in your new relationship a few months or years down the line. There's a reason something is missing and it's likely you're at least partly responsible for it missing – because of the way you behave in relationships.
• You may hurt others. If you have children, you're definitely going to hurt others.
• You'll wipe away a level of trust, for all parties involved; trust that may never be regained and will affect all your future relationships.

I'm not saying do or don't have an affair. What I am saying is that when you're being offered what you want most on a plate it's very easy to feel how great the pro's will be and to downplay or ignore the con's.

Get realistic.

Think through the con's, live it in your mind right now, step into that place and feel how it will be for you. Now take those feelings and multiply it and you are probably getting somewhere close to how an affair may really feel.

If you're still seriously considering going ahead and diving in to this affair, consider how you would feel if it was your partner that was considering getting in to an affair.

• Would you rather know that your partner was considering it or getting into an affair?
  
• How would you feel knowing your partner was looking outside the relationship for something that's missing?
  
• Wouldn't you want the opportunity to try to sort out what's missing? And if you tried it and it didn't work out, then to separate and allow your partner to have an alternative relationship rather than having an affair?

If you decide to go ahead, you may also want to read the next section on having an affair to consider your future.

Related help

Extramarital affair