The Narcissistic Hoover Manoeuvre - Part One
Escaping from a Narcissist
Be very careful about how you read this next piece about getting over a break up with a narcissist. If it fills you with hope that they’re going to come back then you are still seriously enmeshed and very unwell. Get professional help now and deal with your co-dependency issues.
A narcissist ‘needs’ to know you continue to love them even after they’re gone. You may well get the silent treatment from them for a while as they absolve themselves from any sense of responsibility for you but it won’t last. If you’re smart you’ll use this window to rebuild your sanity and self esteem. When they come back for more you need to be able to say NO!
Generally these things start to occur when your ex narcissist’s life isn’t going quite as well as they think it should be. One of the better metaphors I’ve heard around this whole deal is this:
The Narcissistic Manoeuvre
Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder is a lot like a leech. They will sink their teeth into you and hold on until you either have nothing left they want or something juicier catches their wandering eye. When they detach they immediately start to drain the juice out of someone else. If that supply is interrupted or not as good as they thought they will attempt to get their teeth back into you. Please be clear, this is not something you should be feeling hopeful about. It’s not a vampire kind of deal where you get immortality in return or anything helpful like that. You just end up drained AGAIN!
You may find you get a stupid little text asking ‘how are you?’ on some special day like Christmas or your birthday or theirs. Another classic text is just to say ‘I miss you.’ Remember the whole self centered, self seeking and self serving thing? Well what do you really think they’re looking for here? They just want to know they still have their hooks in you. ‘Do you miss me?’ is the subtext.
These kind of things can be considered a fly-by as they try and judge whether you are a source of adoration or not. Remember, as in the beginning, the less interested you are the more compelling you become to this idiot.
You may find they up the ante because it can happen on an even bigger scale, not always, but often enough for it to be worth warning you about. It will put you into a tail spin and test the limits of your psyche. Here’s how it goes;
The Pull of a Narcissist
A number of months have passed and you are rebuilding your life. The incident has left you very deeply wounded. Miraculously you are no longer thinking about what living with covert narcissism was like. You get out more, hang out with friends, and go to social events. You have gone on a couple of dates with this cute girl that you finally got the nerve to ask out. The dates have gone great and the two of you seem to really have an interest in each other. You constantly scan for “red flags” and traits of narcissism, but you are finally beginning to relax and just enjoy her company. You come home after date # 3, butterflies in your stomach, wondering what the future could hold.
The phone rings, it’s 3am and you wonder if your new girl just “had” to talk to you. You smile at the thought and pick up the phone. Your heart drops into your chest - it’s your ex. All of those old memories come flooding back to you. You don’t want to answer the phone but you do at the same time. You give in and answer. She is beside herself crying. Her current relationship is on the rocks. She realises that she misses the love that you two had and she was a fool to let you go. You truly were the best thing that ever happened to her and she knows she was wrong. She may go back and rehash old memories with you and get very emotional. You find yourself getting emotional. After a few hours you hang up and she says she will call you tomorrow.
Would you like to know what happens next?
FREE Exploratory Coaching Session with Michael Myerscough ...
Speak to Michael personally and change your life today
Find out exactly what you need to do and how to move on with your life. You don't have to go through your pain on your own.