Flirting Conversation

If you can deepen the conversation into an area they are passionate about and add in some flirting conversation then you are on to a winner.

But how do you flirt in what you say?

One way you can do it is by double entendre's. Or you can do it by being a bit more blatant - if you've got the nerve and you know you're safe with this person and they're not going to get freaked out.

With double entendre, often the subtler the better. And if you are a guy you need to be particularly careful with this. Test the water first with subtlety and then if you get a positive reaction feel free to continue.

Really this section could be a whole book in itself. It needs practice, awareness of whether it's well received, the ability to do it spontaneously and more. Having said that though, let's give you an example.

Let's say you got to talking about scuba diving - his favourite hobby.

You: What is it about scuba diving that you love?

Him: I guess it's a sense of freedom. Of being in another world almost. And the colours are stunning.

You: Wow! And I thought it was all about the wet suits.

OK. So if you're a woman you may not be thinking that's particularly subtle. But trust me, some guys would miss that (or a lot of guys!). We need it a lot more blatant to see it on our radar.

If you've got the nerve, if you know the person you are with is safe to do this with, and to be honest that's pretty hard to establish on a speed date, you can try the final deepening principle. Being outrageous! Well, outrageous for someone you've only met 2 minutes ago for the first time.

Again, be very careful about who you use this with. If your conversation becomes flirty very quickly, if they are clearly using double entendres themselves and enjoy the sexual innuendo that's sparking between the two of you and you just want to have fun, then you can try outrageous.

The above conversation may go a little differently if you're trying to be outrageous. I've given you several answers below from moderately risky to full on outrageous.

You: What is it about scuba diving that you love?

Him: I guess it's a sense of freedom. Of being in another world almost. And the colours are stunning.

You:

1. So you're big on rubber and getting wet then? I like to get wet too
2. That's great, I love a guy that enjoys diving down.
3. If you ever get to go diving with me I'll show you some interesting colours that will really excite you.

I don't know how to tell you to practice this other than a little at a time. And carefully!

Double entendres that are well done or more outrageous are what I would describe as more conversationally advanced. It's best practiced outside of speed dates first of all, maybe on another date with someone you are already going out with for the second or third time and there's clearly a lot of chemistry between the two of you.

You'll be pleasantly surprised by just how far you can push it and just how much people enjoy being teased sexually! It can often arouse a lot of attention. (I hope you spotted that.) If it's not appropriate they'll let you know really quickly.

Going Deeper

People often ask me how to move a relationship from just being friends to something a little sexier, and flirting in conversation is the best way to do it. You establish the relationship within a context of being fun, exciting and a little sexy and your partner gets to make a choice.

Most of my clients start out struggling with this one and that I believe it's one of the key reasons why they need me when struggling with initial dates.

Keep in mind that some people will back off immediately if they sense any sexual pressure, you then have a choice to make about what you want to do. On a first date your only goal is to get a second date so you're better backing off to a safer question.

So, deepening a conversation is a great way of improving your ability to get a match on a speed date. The main aim in deepening it is to get your date to experience feelings of fun and pleasure. You can do this by asking the right questions that get them to access experiences they've had in the past or will have in the future that they are passionate about.

Double entendres can sound a little cheap, but if you're out looking for a little fun and excitement then it's more than possible that the person you're chatting with is too. Think about it as giving them a bit of a nudge toward the bedroom door and see if they move towards or away from you.

Start with something fairly innocent like

'and I thought it was all about the wetsuits'.

If they're interested they'll come back with something racy that moves you further. If you get yourself in trouble then just say,

'I'm sorry, that was really too outrageous, I hate it when my mouth does that.'

If you say it with humour you can back off a little and then see what happens later. It's not over until it's over!

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