Compatibility Relationship Test
Should you End Your Relationship?
Let me say that this relationship test isn't a definitive answer but highlights how compatible you are to each other. It's not intended to say - if you scored below 50, you should leave. But it will allow you to reflect on how far from ideal you really are. My clients are often eager for me to give them a conclusive answer to whether or not they should break up with their partner. I just can’t do this, people get together for reasons that sometimes stop being obvious but aren’t necessarily wrong.
I wouldn't be surprised if the emotions you are going through right now are distorting your view of your relationship. This relationship quiz will help to pull it back into perspective.
So below, give your relationship a score out of ten for each category in the quiz. Think about your relationship over the long term and not just during a this bad patch. This is a really important point. Even in a healthy relationship there will be times when some people feel like they couldn't tolerate another moment of their partner's company.
The total will give you a score out of 100 and indicates the health of your relationship. This exercise will identify the weaknesses you see in your relationship and, if you share it with your partner at some point in the future, it will allow you to discuss whether you're both willing to work on those weak areas to push up your score.
Asess YOUR Compatibility - how compatible are YOU?
What you Need to do Next!
Having worked in this area for over 20 years it's clear to me that most couple's should expect a score of at least 70% in order to ensure happiness in the long run. A score of 100% is totally unrealistic and if you're shooting for that you're going to cause each of you more pain. If you give up on trying to be happy all the time you'll find that you're actually happy much more of the time. Strange but true.
If your score is below 70% then one of two things could be true:
Your relationship is never going to meet your needs because you are fundamentally incompatible (and always have been). You don't get along because you can't get along. Potentially you got together with someone with a personality that is always going to be painful for you. In which case it may well be time to speak to a professional and maybe plan an exit strategy.
That said, I don't know you or your relationship and you may well just be having a very bad day. I seriously suggest you speak with a professional about this, or download the Should I Stay or Should I Go programme, before taking action.
Take the time to get 100% clear, those clients that come to me regretting having left prematurely can end up miserable for years. . If nothing else you should download the FREE first chapter as it will clarify your situation. This is especially true if you consider your relationship as serious. My definition of serious would be you've been together over a year or have children together.
Alternatively, and this is my hope, you've just got so locked into what could be referred to as a power struggle that all you can see are your resentments. So please, don't give up yet.
This is more common than you could ever know, couple's often lose sight of each other due to some bigger arguments or even regular small disagreements over time. These things are all totally normal but you can end up totally convinced that you couldn't possibly deal with another day of each other.
Unless there is a serious threat of, or actual, violence. my advice is to at the very least buy this programme before leaving. In my experience a couple mired in resentment will not recover on their own but with a little support they can often find their way back into each other's hearts. If you're nervous about the investment please get the free first chapter of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" because in it I share some well kept secrets allowing you to get clearer immediately, no strings attached.
How Have You Done?
It's important to note that, even if you're scoring high generally - if you're scoring under a five anywhere in the above quiz your relationship is in trouble. This is especially true if it's in an area that really matters to you.
This explains why sometimes your relationship can appear perfect to the outside world and yet you have this gut wrenching feeling that something just isn't right. As an example let's say that feeling like you've got emotional support from your partner is essential but you're only scoring a three. Even if all the other areas on the quiz get high scores you still have a significant problem.
It's essential that your primary needs are met in your relationship or you are doomed to feeling unloved or unsafe or maybe even both of those feelings. I go into this in more detail in the Should I Stay Or Should I Go home study programme.
Your struggle is not necessarily a compatibility issue and most of your pain can often be resolved with a little guidance. Once again, if you're at all concerned about the position you find yourself in, I encourage you to download the first chapter for FREE.
I'll keep saying this, you and your partner fell in love for a reason. You may well have lost sight of exactly why that was right now but you would be amazed at just how fast the love comes flooding back in when the two of you learn how to stop making the basic mistakes that are killing your relationship.
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Head Coach, CCUI
The Relationship Gym
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